Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
