how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I have aggressive nipples.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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