Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I currently don't understand fingers.
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