All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
