I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
