I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
