my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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