one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You were trust falling into bushes
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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