So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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