This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
