you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
