i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
