When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
