There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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