Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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