My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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