See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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