so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
