I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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