Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
