one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You dont lie about slip and slides
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
