he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
