So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
