i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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