Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
