I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
honey bunches of taint.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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