you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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