Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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