I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
