Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
