I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
