does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
