he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
