These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
50% drunk capacity currently
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
