oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Fuck appropriateness.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
