i need an iv and a liver transplant
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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