I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
