Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
