I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
