My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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