Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
