I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
