I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
