dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
