yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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