I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
ok first of all what the fuck
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
