Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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