The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
