i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
