I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
