Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
