hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Randomize
