sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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