I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
