let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
