U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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