I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
