My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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