i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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