I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
