That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
